Pregnancy Tests and Lottery Tickets

As I have mentioned before, I have very few boundaries when it comes to sharing information from my life. Especially when it’s funny and someone else can learn from it. **ahem** This is a tale of hunting for a pregnancy test and my slight obsession with the lottery.

We’ll start with the lottery tickets. I truly believe in my heart of hearts that I am going to win the lottery. *I know I’m under 80 years old* Not like $5 type win but MAJOR jackpot baby! *Yes, I have all of my teeth…do crowns count?* I buy a ticket or 5 every week. I was appalled when the PowerBall went up to $2 per ticket. *Not as easy to scrape up that amount of change from the floorboards.* In the last 2 ½ years, I have won a whopping $5.*The point is I've won.* Whenever I travel, I stop in some super small town that doesn't even have a WalMarts *spelled that way on purpose* and go into JoBob’s Gas, Bait, Tackle and BBQ Shack to get a lottery ticket. That’s where you buy lottery gold, a guaranteed sure win. When I win, I will not be like those jokers that loose it all in a few months because cousin JayNathan had a great business idea to open a music studio and start a new genre of music combining hip-hop, country, hill music and gospel. *side eye*

One would never think that at a certain age you would struggle with purchasing a pregnancy test. I mean, really, it felt like I was 13 years old buying condoms at the Woolworths for a gag birthday present. *snort, chuckle…oh don’t act like it’s just me*. So, one evening I was trying to find a preggers test and couldn't find them on any shelf in the drug store, and being too embarrassed to ask left said store. I drove to another city a few miles away to another store and still couldn't find them, only to realize that they were behind the counter in the pharmacy, which was now closed. *Dayum!* So the next morning I tossed around the idea of having one of my friends stop at the store on her way to work and snag me one, and then I decided I needed to grow up. I mean it’s not like these were pads or tampons or something. So at my lunch hour, I ran to the closest drug store and went through the drive thru. A young pretty pharmacist came to the window, with a slight attitude, and I asked for a pregnancy test. She looked me up and down and said you have to come in for that. *Dayum!* So I drove around, parked and made a bee line for the pharmacy. There was a line of people in front of me but the pharmacist looked at me and gave me the head nod *the one you get when you’re being hooked up*, and I moved to the front of the line. I was all smiles; she already had my deal breaker in the bag and she never lost eye contact with me. I knew the game so I didn't pay any attention to the bag. I was thinking she musta hooked me up with the digital 3 pack or something. I also noticed that she’s quite pregnant, which would explain the attitude. I paid for my stuff and headed out to the car. I was holding the bag, which seemed quite small, and opened it up in the car. I pulled out the package and it was the Plan B pill. *blank stare* *blink blink* I laughed so hard I almost pissed myself *which I’d been holding for the damn test* *SMH*

Moral: In the end, both pregnancy tests and lottery tickets cause anxiety and rarely do you get the result you want.

Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.