Monday, April 18, 2011

Holding the door open may get you some...

Clearly I'm being facetious...kind of, but I’m just curious…does any other woman find it odd or is surprised when a man holds a door open for you? Or, allows you to go first in line? My first thought is, what the heck does he want? He’s probably gonna tail me and follow me home; or peep over my shoulder so he can see my debit card password *yeah, I know psycho*

And then it hits me, that I’ve become conditioned, reprogrammed, untrained as to what to expect or how a man should treat me. You know, those little things of courtesy. You’re actually taken aback when it happens! *pitiful*

I remember I went to visit a friend down in Atlanta and I was walking to the store to pay and this man waited, do you hear me, waited for me and held the door open! All he said was, Afternoon Miss. After being treated with such courtesy, I was welcomed back home to Maryland by a man allowing a door to slam in my face and thereafter watch me struggle with my luggage. Ahh…yeah…home.

So, is it really what region you’re in? Now that I’m in St. Louis I do get men holding doors open for me, calling me ma’am and such. But is chivalry dead? Are little boys being taught that they should hold the door open, pull out her chair, help her put her coat on, walk on the correct side of the sidewalk…and on the flipside are little girls learning that’s what they should expect.

I must say, I’ve gotten to a point where I expect it and will stand at a door until it is opened *occasionally awkward, especially when he starts the car and puts it in gear, but I’m standing on principle!*

Add that to my list of qualities I’m looking for in a man…I mean is that too much to ask?

*although from previous post, you already know how I feel about the term “lady” vs. “woman”…but it fits sooo…*

OR


Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Cuz, I'mma W-O-M-A-N...

Life Lesson #26 – Be a woman. The difference between a woman and a lady: a lady does what is expected of her, and a woman does what she expects of herself.


As a little girl, my mom always used to tell me, honey when you grow up you want to be a woman, not a lady – there’s a difference. **yes, I actually listened to my mom on occasion**

As the story goes: In college, her Dorm Mother used to tell her there’s a difference between a lady and woman – a lady does what others expect of her and a woman does what she expects of herself; therefore be a woman. **did you guys know this?**

This statement was so profound it became etched on my soul, and I’m still learning what it truly means. I strive to meet and exceed the expectations I place upon myself, not those that others place upon me. **it’s quite liberating, really…like being on the nudey beach**

I see it like this: if I am doing what makes me happy, accomplishing the goals I have set for myself, and aiming to be the woman God needs me to be – then what I have set out for myself will always far exceed what others have tried to set for me. **make sense?**

Put another way: I don’t try to live up to others expectations; I set my own and live up to those. **two snaps in a circle with a twist**

So, I say to you females out there –strive to be a woman and be an example to those little girls in your life of what a real woman is and does. I’ve had several friends find out as an adult, that they were raised to be a lady. **not a comforting epiphany at 35** They were still being controlled by the expectations of their parents, aunts/uncles, spouse…and in essence lost themselves or, worse, never really knew who they were. **Umm…have you seen Runaway Bride…Julia Roberts…Richard Gere…?!**

Fellas – make sure you know the difference: it seems you say you want a woman and end up with a lady. Chances are you didn’t have a woman to begin with **ya think?**




Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.