Life Lesson #34 - Baggage will follow you from job to job and relationship to relationship until you face and deal with what’s in the bags!
Could you catch a flight right now with all the baggage you have? What if you were charged for all that baggage, even if the first was free (and Southwest isn't an option)? You would be a whole new kind of broke.
We've been traveling around with our baggage for so long they've become apart of the backdrop of our daily lives. They just get carried around like a pair of old runned pantyhose in our purse (I'm not the only one that does that). What gets me is how some folks are proud to say they have baggage; a whole set of Louis Vuitton. Really? First, if all your baggage is a matching set - says to me you've been burned on the same lesson over and over again, and have yet to face your main issue. Secondly, I'd hope it’s not a full set with the hanging bag, cosmetics case, carry on, laptop bag and stewardess bag... it's not a badge of honor.
Let's be real - time to unpack our bags. I try to take inventory and see if there's anything in my carryon (limiting myself to a carryon and one personal item, like a purse). I try to accept my lessons and learn from them. Hence, going through the bags and unpacking. Why let that stuff, those unresolved issues, follow you into a new relationship or environment? You can never be better than where you are if you don't leave that stuff behind. Now, I'm not saying drop it and forget it - as that would defeat the purpose, and you would acquire the same bag somewhere else. You have to open the bag up, take stuff out piece by piece and understand what it is and work through it.
In one of my past relationships, he lumped me in with his old baggage. While I didn't treat him like his ex's he still would place that hurt on me, therefore limiting the growth in our relationship and thus ending it. I try my hardest not to do that in relationships, but I realize that it creeps up on me every now and then. I recognize it and do my best to squash it. I'll talk it out with my significant other so he'll understand why I reacted the way I did, what I'm doin' to work it out and how I need their assistance in that...and we keep it movin'.
SO, unpack and have a yard sale! Get rid of his old T-shirt that still smells like him (umm...doubt that after 5 years); that Teddy bear she bought you (who now has a hole in its chest to simulate what she did with your heart); the bed you bought for your first place together (My God you still have that?!); and all those cards you re-read that bring the hurt flooding back. Why do you keep this stuff and drag them around everywhere you go?
Let's work on reducing our baggage- limiting it to 1 personal item that can fit under the seat in front of you or in the overhead compartment.
Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
How My Colon Almost Reached Martyrdom - A Tale of Friendship
As you will find, I have very few boundaries on what I share about my personal life. They're there, but when I think it's humorous or someone can learn from it - I share. **clearing throat** Here's a tale about friendship and how my colon was almost named as a martyr or some sort of demi-god.
My primary care recommended a new GI doctor for me because the other two were total arses **'scuse the pun**. So, I checked out this new guy, and can I say FINE. Did you hear me? F-I-N-E. This was the finest man, and Indian man, I have ever seen in my life. I felt it would be a little too awkward for me to hit on him seeing as how just the initial appointment alone would like take us to 3rd base. I decided I had a friend who would be the next best option. I knew her mother would love me for life for finding her absolutely beautiful and warm-hearted daughter a successful Indian doctor.
My friend graciously accepted playing taxi driver and took me to my appointment for a colonoscopy. She refuses to go inside with me because she had on sweats and pimple cream **mind you I hounded her to wear something more flashy**. I mean I know it was early in the a.m. but just dang! So, how do I scheme this one? As I'm getting processed, I'm still trying to figure this out - how am I going to get them together.
A nurse starts the anesthesia drip; wheels me into the room where the doctor and 2 other nurses were chatting it up. Before I could say 'boo', one nurse had rolled me on my side like a side of beef, flipped the back of my gown up and had my arse to the 4 winds. Mind you, eye level with the doctor! I mean for God's sake people; can I be completely comatose before you have my arse smiling at a stranger? And then telling me to relax and bend slightly into a fetal position? WTH? Ya’ll are straight trippin’! Due to my shock and dismay, no audible sounds would utter from my lips and I used my eyes and rapid blinking to plead to the other nurse to save what was left of my dignity! All of this in front of this fine doctor!!! I think I passed out just from sheer horror and hoped it was my good side showing.
I come to in the recovery room, still thinking about my friend, and I slur to the nurse..."Isth uh docta murried? My beth frend isth thuh most butiful Innian womn yuve evr seint." She looks at me from behind my rumpus and says, "Honey, you're not the first to ask. He's happily married with 5 kids." I slurred, "Aww..hail..." as I slipped back off to lala land. There goes my chance of being a martyr, adopted by my friend's mom and getting written into the will. Unfortunately, when my friend came back to pick me up **looking cute** I had to break the news. **sigh** To cheer ourselves up, we made a beeline to the nearest restaurant since I hadn't eaten in 24 hours.
Friendship is on my mind today. I'm so blessed to have the type of friends that I have. Even though we may not talk everyday, when we do, we pick up right where we left off. If you didn't know I loved ya, now ya know! Muahh!
Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.
My primary care recommended a new GI doctor for me because the other two were total arses **'scuse the pun**. So, I checked out this new guy, and can I say FINE. Did you hear me? F-I-N-E. This was the finest man, and Indian man, I have ever seen in my life. I felt it would be a little too awkward for me to hit on him seeing as how just the initial appointment alone would like take us to 3rd base. I decided I had a friend who would be the next best option. I knew her mother would love me for life for finding her absolutely beautiful and warm-hearted daughter a successful Indian doctor.
My friend graciously accepted playing taxi driver and took me to my appointment for a colonoscopy. She refuses to go inside with me because she had on sweats and pimple cream **mind you I hounded her to wear something more flashy**. I mean I know it was early in the a.m. but just dang! So, how do I scheme this one? As I'm getting processed, I'm still trying to figure this out - how am I going to get them together.
A nurse starts the anesthesia drip; wheels me into the room where the doctor and 2 other nurses were chatting it up. Before I could say 'boo', one nurse had rolled me on my side like a side of beef, flipped the back of my gown up and had my arse to the 4 winds. Mind you, eye level with the doctor! I mean for God's sake people; can I be completely comatose before you have my arse smiling at a stranger? And then telling me to relax and bend slightly into a fetal position? WTH? Ya’ll are straight trippin’! Due to my shock and dismay, no audible sounds would utter from my lips and I used my eyes and rapid blinking to plead to the other nurse to save what was left of my dignity! All of this in front of this fine doctor!!! I think I passed out just from sheer horror and hoped it was my good side showing.
I come to in the recovery room, still thinking about my friend, and I slur to the nurse..."Isth uh docta murried? My beth frend isth thuh most butiful Innian womn yuve evr seint." She looks at me from behind my rumpus and says, "Honey, you're not the first to ask. He's happily married with 5 kids." I slurred, "Aww..hail..." as I slipped back off to lala land. There goes my chance of being a martyr, adopted by my friend's mom and getting written into the will. Unfortunately, when my friend came back to pick me up **looking cute** I had to break the news. **sigh** To cheer ourselves up, we made a beeline to the nearest restaurant since I hadn't eaten in 24 hours.
Friendship is on my mind today. I'm so blessed to have the type of friends that I have. Even though we may not talk everyday, when we do, we pick up right where we left off. If you didn't know I loved ya, now ya know! Muahh!
Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Don't Call the Movers Just Yet...
Life Lesson #48 - You may think you need a change of scenery when all you really need is a change of heart.
Well, this is a topic near and dear to me as I'm in the process of understanding the full depth of this "epiphany". As some of you know I've recently moved to not only a new state, but a whole new region of the country.
I was desperate to move away from a major metropolitan area that I felt had become unhealthy and unfulfilling. Desperate - let me repeat - DESPERATE for my life to change. DESPERATE to be living the life I thought I was supposed to have had by age 34. And just like stink on shit, desperation doesn't wear well on a woman - especially not this one.
I hated my job, or more, what it had become. The work environment affected to me so much that I was seriously ill. I broke out in a cross between hives, chicken pox, and some type of rash...felt I looked like a leper and was on quarantine for over a week. My old Navy doctor/dermatologist told me I was his "1 in a million patient". Now that's sayin' somethin' from an old Navy doctor, and let's be real - that's not a prize, nor title, I wanted to hold. I mean, who really wants the shirt "I was a Leper, and all i got was this T-shirt...and a rash." I'll save the part about me cussing out the PA at my first doctor's appointment... **call me for the details**
My immune system was shredded from years of being in high stress jobs and the high stress life that goes along with living in a major city. So much so, my primary doctor thought I had cancer! WTF? And a young black female ER doctor told me, "Honey, think it's time to change some things in your life." Naw, shiggity, but how do I do that? SO, I thought moving somewhere would be the end to all of my troubles. I can move somewhere, start over- hopefully with someone and start that family with the white picket fence.
**blank stare...blink...blink** Uh no! With an emphasis on 'Uh' and 'No'. What I've come to realize you can change your surroundings but if you don't change what's on the inside, its going to be the same shiggity wherever you go. Same shiggity, different state.
So here I am - reminded of a reading in Joyce Meyer's book, Ending Your Day Right, where she talks about how your thoughts bear fruit. Think positively and your life will bear good fruit, think negatively and get bad fruit. What ultimately resonates with me is her last sentence, "for as you think in your heart, so are you". Inside, I was desperate, unhappy, angry, sad, disappointed...and those same feelings followed me because I put more effort into changing my zip code than I did changing my outlook - my heart.
Now, I'm putting more effort into changing my heart - living my current life and not the one I thought I should have had. Stay tuned...its gonna get good.
Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.
Well, this is a topic near and dear to me as I'm in the process of understanding the full depth of this "epiphany". As some of you know I've recently moved to not only a new state, but a whole new region of the country.
I was desperate to move away from a major metropolitan area that I felt had become unhealthy and unfulfilling. Desperate - let me repeat - DESPERATE for my life to change. DESPERATE to be living the life I thought I was supposed to have had by age 34. And just like stink on shit, desperation doesn't wear well on a woman - especially not this one.
I hated my job, or more, what it had become. The work environment affected to me so much that I was seriously ill. I broke out in a cross between hives, chicken pox, and some type of rash...felt I looked like a leper and was on quarantine for over a week. My old Navy doctor/dermatologist told me I was his "1 in a million patient". Now that's sayin' somethin' from an old Navy doctor, and let's be real - that's not a prize, nor title, I wanted to hold. I mean, who really wants the shirt "I was a Leper, and all i got was this T-shirt...and a rash." I'll save the part about me cussing out the PA at my first doctor's appointment... **call me for the details**
My immune system was shredded from years of being in high stress jobs and the high stress life that goes along with living in a major city. So much so, my primary doctor thought I had cancer! WTF? And a young black female ER doctor told me, "Honey, think it's time to change some things in your life." Naw, shiggity, but how do I do that? SO, I thought moving somewhere would be the end to all of my troubles. I can move somewhere, start over- hopefully with someone and start that family with the white picket fence.
**blank stare...blink...blink** Uh no! With an emphasis on 'Uh' and 'No'. What I've come to realize you can change your surroundings but if you don't change what's on the inside, its going to be the same shiggity wherever you go. Same shiggity, different state.
So here I am - reminded of a reading in Joyce Meyer's book, Ending Your Day Right, where she talks about how your thoughts bear fruit. Think positively and your life will bear good fruit, think negatively and get bad fruit. What ultimately resonates with me is her last sentence, "for as you think in your heart, so are you". Inside, I was desperate, unhappy, angry, sad, disappointed...and those same feelings followed me because I put more effort into changing my zip code than I did changing my outlook - my heart.
Now, I'm putting more effort into changing my heart - living my current life and not the one I thought I should have had. Stay tuned...its gonna get good.
Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Some Fresh Oats, Some Good Hay, and a Clean Stall
Now, I thought I was going to do this weekly, but I'll just scribe what comes to me. This isn't one of my "official" life lessons on my running list, but it is never the less a lesson as told to me by my Mom. **SN: There will be many of these lessons via Mom - trust**
Let me paint the scenario: I had just started talking to a new guy and I was flying to see him. Can you say ECSTATIC! While sitting in the airport, basking in the glow of seeing my long time crush I get a call from my mom. Here's how that conversation went:
Mom: Hey hon, are you already to go?
Me: Yes, I'm just sitting in the airport waiting to board. **trying to play down my giddiness**
Mom: Well, I'm goin' to tell you a story that your Grandfather told to me. You see your Grandfather didn't do too well with people so his stories always dealt with animals and farm life.
Me: Awww...hell.
Mom: There was this old horse that had been out to pasture for a quite awhile. He hadn't been back to the barn for quite some time. One day, the farmer comes down to get the old horse to bring him back up to the barn. Soon as that farmer came down, that old horse broke headlong through the gate heading back to the barn. That old horse knew that there would be fresh oats, good hay, and a clean dry stall waiting. All the things that old horse been dreamin' about - but what you think it's gonna be isn't always truth. So be careful, as those fresh oats may not be so fresh, that good hay may not be so good and that stall may not be so clean. Just be aware that what you've been dreaming about may not be the case.
Me: Did you just call me an old dried up horse?
Moral: That relationship didn't end up to be all I dreamed it would be and I was that horse. I hadn't been in a relationship in quite some time and was dying to have some fresh oats, some good hay, and a clean stall to lay my head. Turned out - wasn't my barn to be in....
Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.
Let me paint the scenario: I had just started talking to a new guy and I was flying to see him. Can you say ECSTATIC! While sitting in the airport, basking in the glow of seeing my long time crush I get a call from my mom. Here's how that conversation went:
Mom: Hey hon, are you already to go?
Me: Yes, I'm just sitting in the airport waiting to board. **trying to play down my giddiness**
Mom: Well, I'm goin' to tell you a story that your Grandfather told to me. You see your Grandfather didn't do too well with people so his stories always dealt with animals and farm life.
Me: Awww...hell.
Mom: There was this old horse that had been out to pasture for a quite awhile. He hadn't been back to the barn for quite some time. One day, the farmer comes down to get the old horse to bring him back up to the barn. Soon as that farmer came down, that old horse broke headlong through the gate heading back to the barn. That old horse knew that there would be fresh oats, good hay, and a clean dry stall waiting. All the things that old horse been dreamin' about - but what you think it's gonna be isn't always truth. So be careful, as those fresh oats may not be so fresh, that good hay may not be so good and that stall may not be so clean. Just be aware that what you've been dreaming about may not be the case.
Me: Did you just call me an old dried up horse?
Moral: That relationship didn't end up to be all I dreamed it would be and I was that horse. I hadn't been in a relationship in quite some time and was dying to have some fresh oats, some good hay, and a clean stall to lay my head. Turned out - wasn't my barn to be in....
Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Put the Shovel Back in the Shed
Well, I figure I'll start at the top of my list and work my way down. There will be plenty to talk about each week - trust.
Life Lesson #1 - Stop filling holes
Now this may seem a little contradictory - if something is empty then fill it - right? Mmm...not necessarily as it may not be meant to be filled. **crickets chirping** I can see the look on your face. Let me see if I can paint a picture and make it more clear.
Over time, we get some wear and tear. Just like those roads we drive down every day to get to work and to our daily activities. Inclement weather, temperature changes, chemicals, and the friction of traffic- everything plays a part in the condition of that road. Don't know about you, but there have been times where I've been driving to work, and out of no where a pot hole appears. Where did that come from? You swerve, you get to work and call the city's pothole hotline. They come out and fill it. Its fine for a while but sometimes that hole just gets bigger, or another one forms near by on the opposite side of the road. At some point, do you just keep filling the holes? Or do you just repave the entire length of the street? Or do you look at the root cause of the potholes and see if that can be fixed? Hmmm....
In relationships, we get marred and pocked just like a street with heavy traffic. Unfortunately, some of us have taken on more traffic than others - yeah you know what I'm talkin' about. **face smirked, side eye** We get hurt and that punches a hole in our very soul - in our very being. So, we look for a way to fill it. Now, whether that's with someone or someone(s), food, retail therapy...you see where I'm going. You fill the hole to stop the hurt. I get it...but you got to stop fillin' the holes and look at the bigger picture. If you keep fillin' it with those things then it may just get bigger or another one pop up somewhere else because you're not really satisfying your need. What's the root cause of the hole? You have to be willing to take a hard look at yourself and be willing to work on the whole you, not just the hole.
Been there, doing it now. I'm coming to realize that I cycle through my life's lessons every so often so its important for me to look back. I realize I need to put my shovel back in the shed, take a deep breath, step back and see why I pulled it out to begin with...
Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.
Life Lesson #1 - Stop filling holes
Now this may seem a little contradictory - if something is empty then fill it - right? Mmm...not necessarily as it may not be meant to be filled. **crickets chirping** I can see the look on your face. Let me see if I can paint a picture and make it more clear.
Over time, we get some wear and tear. Just like those roads we drive down every day to get to work and to our daily activities. Inclement weather, temperature changes, chemicals, and the friction of traffic- everything plays a part in the condition of that road. Don't know about you, but there have been times where I've been driving to work, and out of no where a pot hole appears. Where did that come from? You swerve, you get to work and call the city's pothole hotline. They come out and fill it. Its fine for a while but sometimes that hole just gets bigger, or another one forms near by on the opposite side of the road. At some point, do you just keep filling the holes? Or do you just repave the entire length of the street? Or do you look at the root cause of the potholes and see if that can be fixed? Hmmm....
In relationships, we get marred and pocked just like a street with heavy traffic. Unfortunately, some of us have taken on more traffic than others - yeah you know what I'm talkin' about. **face smirked, side eye** We get hurt and that punches a hole in our very soul - in our very being. So, we look for a way to fill it. Now, whether that's with someone or someone(s), food, retail therapy...you see where I'm going. You fill the hole to stop the hurt. I get it...but you got to stop fillin' the holes and look at the bigger picture. If you keep fillin' it with those things then it may just get bigger or another one pop up somewhere else because you're not really satisfying your need. What's the root cause of the hole? You have to be willing to take a hard look at yourself and be willing to work on the whole you, not just the hole.
Been there, doing it now. I'm coming to realize that I cycle through my life's lessons every so often so its important for me to look back. I realize I need to put my shovel back in the shed, take a deep breath, step back and see why I pulled it out to begin with...
Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)