How My Colon Almost Reached Martyrdom - A Tale of Friendship

As you will find, I have very few boundaries on what I share about my personal life. They're there, but when I think it's humorous or someone can learn from it - I share. **clearing throat** Here's a tale about friendship and how my colon was almost named as a martyr or some sort of demi-god.

My primary care recommended a new GI doctor for me because the other two were total arses **'scuse the pun**. So, I checked out this new guy, and can I say FINE. Did you hear me? F-I-N-E. This was the finest man, and Indian man, I have ever seen in my life. I felt it would be a little too awkward for me to hit on him seeing as how just the initial appointment alone would like take us to 3^rd base. I decided I had a friend who would be the next best option. I knew her mother would love me for life for finding her absolutely beautiful and warm-hearted daughter a successful Indian doctor.

My friend graciously accepted playing taxi driver and took me to my appointment for a colonoscopy.  She refuses to go inside with me because she had on sweats and pimple cream **mind you I hounded her to wear something more flashy**. I mean I know it was early in the a.m. but just dang! So, how do I scheme this one? As I'm getting processed, I'm still trying to figure this out - how am I going to get them together.

A nurse starts the anesthesia drip; wheels me into the room where the doctor and 2 other nurses were chatting it up. Before I could say 'boo', one nurse had rolled me on my side like a side of beef, flipped the back of my gown up and had my arse to the 4 winds. Mind you, eye level with the doctor! I mean for God's sake people; can I be completely comatose before you have my arse smiling at a stranger? And then telling me to relax and bend slightly into a fetal position? WTH? Ya’ll are straight trippin’! Due to my shock and dismay, no audible sounds would utter from my lips and I used my eyes and rapid blinking to plead to the other nurse to save what was left of my dignity! All of this in front of this fine doctor!!! I think I passed out just from sheer horror and hoped it was my good side showing.

I come to in the recovery room, still thinking about my friend, and I slur to the nurse..."Isth uh docta murried? My beth frend isth thuh most butiful Innian womn yuve evr seint." She looks at me from behind my rumpus and says, "Honey, you're not the first to ask. He's happily married with 5 kids." I slurred, "Aww..hail..." as I slipped back off to lala land. There goes my chance of being a martyr, adopted by my friend's mom and getting written into the will. Unfortunately, when my friend came back to pick me up **looking cute** I had to break the news. **sigh** To cheer ourselves up, we made a beeline to the nearest restaurant since I hadn't eaten in 24 hours.

Friendship is on my mind today. I'm so blessed to have the type of friends that I have. Even though we may not talk everyday, when we do, we pick up right where we left off. If you didn't know I loved ya, now ya know! Muahh!





Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.