Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Just Like Jack...

Looking at my budget analysis Jack is my #2 expense, right below mortgage/rent. He goes to daycare, has to have special food due to dietary concerns and had a doctor’s appointment today. Now, you may be asking who is Jack? Well, that’s my 53lb fur-kid: my German Shepherd.

I’m your average dog owner who wants to ensure that my fur-kid has the best life he can possible have. He’s my road dawg – loves car trips, hiking, trails…adventure. He’s my home-dawg – will lounge around, watch TV, hang out in the yard…enjoy a snack or two, but overall chill. He likes his space, but wants my company and attention. He’s very social and enjoys playing around with his furry buddies. He can be a bit attitudinal and is smarter than the average the bear.

Five years ago (he was 4yrs old then) as a condition of adoption, I had to take Jack to dog obedience training. I didn’t realize that the training is really for the owner, not the dog. The dog trainer told me that the reason he didn’t initially listen to me was because the intonation in my voice didn’t change – I sounded the same when giving praise as I did when scolding.

Hmmm… then while at home I realized I had trouble hugging on him and cuddling and such – basically giving affection. My God, I couldn’t tell the dog ”I wuv you”. So that got me to thinking, is this how I am in relationships? I bought Jack every toy in the store, the best bedding, the best vet and groomer, day care, exercise…I had trouble giving the actual affection. I was tougher on him and had no patience on things he needed to learn, but let him slide on the things he did know and I was inconsistent. Hmmmm…

Well, five years later I feel that I am a better and more open person because of my furball. I can openly give affection, say I love you (or at least getting better at it), communicating my true feelings and intentions so there’s no confusion – and that’s not just toward him.

In the end, I’ve figured out I want a man just like Jack: quiet, intelligent, handsome, full of personality, athletic, loving, adventurous, can’t wait to see me or spend time with me, as well as dependent and independent all at the same time. I mean, is that too much to ask? Hmmm…guess that‘s why I gotta dog.



Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

I Talk to Myself 'Cuz...

Life Lesson # 2 – If you can’t stand to be with you, how can you expect anyone else to?


Clearly I must love my own company as I’m just getting back from an 8 hour car ride to Oklahoma. There’s something to be said about you, your dog and the open road. I feel like its cleansing and liberating…also PLENTY of time to think about your life.

I had one friend say that there’s no way they could make that kind of drive, or any car trip, over an hour by themselves. Really? That makes me think – why not?

What is it about your own company that you can’t stand to be with you for more than an hour? That leads me to when I used to go out to eat or to the movies by myself – even as a teenager. My mom used to tell me, if you’re always waiting on someone else to do something you’ll end up doing nothing. So if I want to do – I’ll do by myself. I have friends that can’t go out to eat, or to the movies, or to the beach…any where by themselves that would force you to “be with you”. As my friend Erin said, where you go - you go. So when are you going to deal with yourself?

Which goes to my next point, if you don’t enjoy your own company why are you lookin’ for a relationship? How do you expect someone else to like you, love you, want to be around you…when you can’t stand to be with you? Deep huh? When was the last time you spent some time by yourself without any distractions? No TV, no phone, no music, no friends...nothing that would keep you from focusing on yourself and your thoughts?

Point: Time to spend some time with yourself. You may just like what you find…and if you don’t, do something about it.



Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

My Life is a Country Song...

Life Lesson #60 - TBD

Yeah, think I'm still in the process of learning this one, so bear with me while I talk this one out. Couple of girlfriends and I were discussing men and relationships *duh, what else do women talk about?* Here's the gist of the conversation we had:
  • You've been with this man for a while, he loves you and you love him. You've had some trying times in your relationship but have been able to work them out.
  • Today, you have come to a crossroads: he feels he needs to be more financially stable and needs to focus on himself and get his shiggity together thus needing space.
  • You say, well we love each other so we can work it out together.
  • He says he still wants you in his life, just not in a couple kind of way. You're his best friend and wants to keep this friendship.
  • You tell him you're not sure you can handle the just being friends part while he gets his shiggity together.
  • He wants to know why it is all or nothing.
  • You don't think it's all or nothing, as to you it appears he's just ended the relationship because he needs space. 
So now, the girl's and I are thinking we love these men with all of our very soul and being; could see futures with them. So:
  • If they are asking us to hang on while they pull it together, do we?
  • And if so, does that make us a fool?
  • Is it foolish because you are hoping that he will change his mind?
  • Or do you love them where they are, and have no other expectations because the hope is what's gonna kill ya?
For my friends and I it's a hard one because we're the type of women who are willing to be down in the dirt with ya and will do anything to figure out how we can fix things together...we're there to support in any way we can or know how, we want to do it together, it's how we're built... to cook your favorite dinner when you've had a rough day, send you some homemade cookies to let you know you were on our mind, or write you a poem to tell you how special you are to us.

In the end, how do you swallow: you're a great woman; everything I want and need, but just not right now. How do you move forward, keep a connection with this person and not let the hope choke you? The hope that he will change his mind and want to be with you.

Life Lesson # 60: Sometimes the only thing you can do is love someone where they are; even if it’s not where you wanted them to be.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

My Gray's Anatomy and Physiology...

Getting older is something. You realize that 25 wasn’t as old as you thought it was when you were 16, and that 30 isn’t as old as you thought it was when you were 20. Well, sometimes these age milestones are met with physical and physiological changes that one was not anticipating. Hence the story of the errant gray hair courtesy of my Mom… *ahem*

Not too long after my 30th birthday, I was drying off after my shower and noticed a gray hair… down there **pointing south** I immediately call my mother as I was in complete and utter shock – total dismay! I would soon regret that decision.

Me: Mom! You won’t buh-lieve where I just found a gray hair! I didn’t know 30 meant instant graying of certain areas.

Mom: Well, I’m goin’ to tell you a story.

Me: Aww hell…

Mom: You remember me telling you about my friends John* and Diamond* (*names changed to protect the innocent)? Well, John was kinda “that way” and he would hang around with Diamond and I all the time. So we thought nothin’ of runnin’ around in our slips and stuff in front of him but Granny used to say, John gon’ up and surprise ya’ll one day. Anyway, one day John tells Diamond and I – you know, if you don’t use ‘IT’, it’ll dry up.

Me: **blank stare at the phone**  **crickets**

Moral: Careful what you tell your mother and be prepared for the response. Also, if you find a gray hair *down there* don’t pull it out. Trust me…never ever do that, EVER!




Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

The Digging Est Dog...or One Fish, Two Fish...(in honor of Dr. Suess)

Life Lesson # 59 – Don’t go diggin’ up relationships.


Has your soul ever gone fishin’? In other words, gone back through your relationships to one that wasn't quite finished? One you know you could pick back up and start up again? Or as my mom told me, dig up a relationship?

Learned that one the hard way: You see sometimes I got tired of waiting on God **the nerve, I know** to provide me with a relationship or “THE” relationship so I figured I’d lend a hand. **yeah, I know** So, I’d go through my heart’s rolodex and see who had left a door open. Hmmm…and I’d think well what about them? So, let’s call them up and reconnect.

**sounds familiar doesn’t it? Yeah, don’t send that text ‘til you finish reading this**

The result, you may ask? Let's just say, that door is now definitely closed and sealed with brick and mortar. In other words, there’s now closure. **shivers with the memories**

My mom told me, honey, you can’t go diggin’ up relationships.

At the time it didn’t make sense. Years later – it makes complete sense. Time to stop trying to control something in essence you really have no control over. The person you are to be with will come along when he or she is supposed to…your Adam will wake up (when he's ready for you) and will know who you are, or your Eve will be there when you wake up (when you're ready for her). I just hope we’re all paying attention when it happens. It may not be who you think it is or should be, but be open nonetheless.

Trust me, this is a hard one for me – when you’re lonely, or really cared for someone, your heart wanders, or goes fishin’ or starts diggin’. Has your soul gone fishin’? How many relationships have you dug up? Or, let’s be real, you’re diggin’ right now, ain’t cha?






Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

What Did Florida Evans Say?


I'm still getting used to the music in this area with the sudden blues songs that pop up on the radio. One minute I'm listening to Jamie Foxx and the next I hear something like this song: "My Give A Damn Gave Out A Long Time Ago"; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wd3OYxoOOug 

**Tired of giving you another chance...**

I started listening to the lyrics and I was held captive. I've felt like the woman in the song before- you keep giving chances when there's no respect or consideration for your feelings. At some point, do you just block out the way you've allowed yourself to be treated - is it because you don't want to be lonely? How do you get to the point where you could care less?

**Forgave you over and over again...Tired of cryin'...**

Sometimes we just take anything because its better than nothing. But I would contend, that having nothing is better than having just anything that takes up space, eats your food, leaves the dishes lying around, leaves drawls in the middle of the floor and doesn't come home on time, if at all...


When did your "give a damn" give out? And are you even trying to get it back? Or did they take that too?
**My give a damn gave out a long time ago...**
**...You don't live here no mo'...go back where you been...**