Yeah, think I'm still in the process of learning this one, so bear with me while I talk this one out. Couple of girlfriends and I were discussing men and relationships *duh, what else do women talk about?* Here's the gist of the conversation we had:
- You've been with this man for a while, he loves you and you love him. You've had some trying times in your relationship but have been able to work them out.
- Today, you have come to a crossroads: he feels he needs to be more financially stable and needs to focus on himself and get his shiggity together thus needing space.
- You say, well we love each other so we can work it out together.
- He says he still wants you in his life, just not in a couple kind of way. You're his best friend and wants to keep this friendship.
- You tell him you're not sure you can handle the just being friends part while he gets his shiggity together.
- He wants to know why it is all or nothing.
- You don't think it's all or nothing, as to you it appears he's just ended the relationship because he needs space.
- If they are asking us to hang on while they pull it together, do we?
- And if so, does that make us a fool?
- Is it foolish because you are hoping that he will change his mind?
- Or do you love them where they are, and have no other expectations because the hope is what's gonna kill ya?
In the end, how do you swallow: you're a great woman; everything I want and need, but just not right now. How do you move forward, keep a connection with this person and not let the hope choke you? The hope that he will change his mind and want to be with you.
Life Lesson # 60: Sometimes the only thing you can do is love someone where they are; even if it’s not where you wanted them to be.
Here's my oppinion on the this. I think that if you say you love him like you do, you should be able to respect the fact that he wants to get himself in order financially. If that takes space, so be it. If you're truely his friend you should be able to understand that. Plus you should appreciate the fact that he wants to get himself in order. Maybe he wants to get himself right to take it to the next level with you. Shyt, if he can't take care of himself, how is he going to take care of you or a family? (keep that in mind) Now I'm not saying that he could be selling you some wolf tickets either. If he is then shyt so be it, just keep it moving.
ReplyDeleteThat this from your friend who turns 50 in 4 months and 8 days (but who's counting?) I say proceed with caution. All the men I know say a man will go for it if he wants it regardless of their situation. Thing is, that sounds like a pretty open-ended time line. When does one ever have one's sh** fully together? Sounds like a guy who doesn't want the same things, doesn't want to feel like a bad guy, probably is sincere in the friendship thing (likes you enough to keep you around just not the as the GF). BTDT - been there done that. Don't put your life on hold. I could tell you stories... :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback! You both make great points. If you were friends then its time to kick in the friendship part of the relationship, as well keep a life and don't put your life on hold. Also, be realistic to make sure you didn't buy some wolf tickets. ;-)
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