Steppin' into a new year...

Life Lesson #61: When you step out on faith, you then have to walk in it.

As the end of 2011 approaches I find myself reading all of my blog posts from this year. **It’s been one helluva ride** I’ve come a long way since February when I started this and so much has happened. **how in the h-e-double-hockey-sticks am I still sane?!**

I remember one morning talking to my mom on my way to work. I was in utter turmoil because I didn’t want to go **yeah this mid 30-something was boo-hooing to mommy**. The thought of going to that place every day made me physically ill. I was questioning if I made a mistake in moving here and taking the job. I’d never been in an environment like it before, and I moved away from an established life as well as family and friends that I loved. **it wasn’t perfect, but dang – this is some real shiggity here**

My mom told me she didn’t think I’d made a mistake as this opportunity just seemed to line up too well to not be God. She said it may not be clear now why all this is happening, but you stepped out on faith – now you gotta walk in it.

Hmmm…think I smell a life lesson here.

That simple phrase applies to everything in my life right now. From men **always fodder for my blog** to work to, well, life in general. It sums up my whole year as well as my decision to move, and stay, here.

I’ve stretched myself in the love category. **I could be a yogi**

I’ve been, and supported close friends, through personal tragedy. **too much in one year**

I’ve realized that your faith grows stronger when it is exercised. **go figure**

We step out on faith and then think there’s nothing more to do. **uh no…** There must be some action with it, which is to then walk in your faith. You made a step now continue to put one foot in front of the other - walk.

As I enter 2012 I have a new mindset; knowing that stepping out on faith means walking in it too. I’ve learned a lot in 2011 – can’t wait to see the blessings that I step into in 2012.

Cue the music: **head bobbing, toe tapping**

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nj71KbE6ekg&ob=av2e

Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.

Don't Skirt the Issue...

Life Lesson #12: Learn to let it go. You can’t move forward when you’re always looking back, or when you’re hanging on to something you’re not supposed to have.

In college I had these 2 jersey knit/sweatshirt material mini skirts that I wore all the time. I LOVED them, do you hear me? L-O-V-E-D them. Primarily because they showed off my fantabulous set of gams. Well, after college I still had them and still wore them – hey I still had the legs for ‘em. But, as we grow and things change *I still had the gams but acquired an arse* there is a time when we have to let things go.

Finally, about 6 years after college *don’t judge me* my friend had a little chat with me and said – it’s time to let them go. I was shocked and appalled at the very thought she wanted me to get rid of my prized possessions. Those skirts represented my youth and carefree times in college. How could I possibly give those up? After much encouragement *and a visit or 2 to my liquor cabinet* I put them in the “give away” bag and sent them off to some charity *probably Goodwill* Do you know I was actually hurt. HURT by the fact that I let those skirts go. Even now, there are times where I go to my closet to pull them out.

Now why did those skirts mean so much to me? They were pieces fabric sewn together. I was holding onto what I thought they meant – youth, being carefree, college days…wasn’t ready to give them up and live this oh so real adult life. They were nostalgic – no different than someone keeping their lettermans jacket *do they still have those?* I realized I wasn’t supposed to have those skirts anymore – I’d grown up in every other way but wanted to hang on to something of the past. But they didn’t fit anymore…hmmm. So why would I hold on to something that no longer fit me or reflected who I was?

Some of you are hanging on to a skirt, and dare I say, a relationship that should have been let go of a long time ago. It doesn’t fit anymore; it doesn’t compliment you and doesn’t enhance who you are – today. We have to learn to go of things that are keeping us from moving forward and enhancing our lives.

What do you need to take out of your closet and put in the “give away” bag?

Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.

Fools Rush In...

Life Lesson #9 – Never be the same fool twice.

Now some may question whether it’s ok to be a fool more than one time on different things. **Ummm…no** However, I will say that there are times we do fall into the fool role because we are blinded by our current situation or circumstance. This is similar to that old adage: fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

Why do we think that when a person shows us who they really are on multiple occasions that they are going to change because of us? That if we just hang on a little longer they will see how fantabulous we are? **news flash: they know, which is why you’re still around** If we just do those things they ask of us, then we’ll get closer to the goal of having a real relationship. **oy vey!**

I will admit, unfortunately, I have been the fool a time or two. Hey, I’m a hopeless romantic. **don’t judge me!** Every now and then you gotta watch the movie, “He’s Just Not That Into You” to get your bearings back. Is this person you’re hung up on worth the time, tears, and energy you have invested in them when they have not given you the same courtesy? Or did you start out as the jump off thinking that you would some how become the significant other? **pssst…remember, it didn’t work the last time either**

So, as I say to you, and repeat to myself, what are you worth? It’s not to say that this person you like, or love, isn’t a good person…but are they good for you? What have they added to your life since you began walking down this path? Have you been realistically fulfilled? If not, then what’s the hang up? Why are you holding on to someone that clearly doesn’t have your best interest at heart?

Moral: Hello, my name is Ann and I’ve been a fool twice.

Readers: **said in unison** Hi, Ann

Cue the music:

http://youtu.be/FwaxT7zL7kA

Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.

When Stayin' is Worse than Leavin'...

Life Lesson #30 – Trouble don’t last always. But it does when you keep on letting it come over.

There was a time when I thought I was so in love with this guy – we’ll call him Trouble- that when he called, any time day or night, I would answer and be too happy to see him. Even after we broke up, and he had gotten a new girlfriend, and on his way to the altar. **Suggest you don’t judge – cuz you just got a text from your Trouble**

Then finally one day when he called at 3:00a.m. saying he couldn’t make it home and wanted to come by my house because it was closer – I finally said ‘No’. Granted, Trouble was shocked and kept prodding and when he realized I was serious he hung up and never called me again. I was quite proud of myself for finally realizing I was worth more and deserved more than the little **pun intended** I was getting.

So why do we do it? You know that person is trouble! But he/she loves you, and they don’t mean to just call you when its convenient, right? **Puh-lease don’t look at me like that**. Just this last time and this is it. I’m over them, and they are NOT, repeat NOT coming back over here ringing my phone, knocking at my door at 2:00a.m. like I’m some jump off **humpfff**. Sounds familiar, don’t it? Should as I’m sure you just said those very words last night or this morning.

We continue to let Trouble come over and keep us from our true blessings. You cry and complain about how they treat you, but yet you invite it over, answer their call and open the door, and then cook them breakfast the next morning. What have they done to feed your soul and not just your urges? **ouch! That was a low blow**

There has to be a point when stayin’ with this person is worse than leavin’ them alone. Don’t block your blessings by being tied to someone who isn’t concerned about your well-being but how well you can…well, anyway tell Trouble you’re done, take back your key, delete their phone number, and smile knowing you’ve just made room for Possibility, or Hope, or Opportunity or Happiness.

Cue the music:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFRaXQIwA7I

Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.

Is it that you can't, or that you won't?

Life Lesson #53 – Is it that you can’t, or that you won’t?

Is it that you can’t clean the house, or that you won’t? **cuz you just filthy**

Is it that you can’t keep your legs closed, or that you won’t? **Just stepped on some toes, errr…shoes cuz clearly you’re not standing**

Is it that you can’t lose weight, or that you won’t? **Cuz you pretty for a big girl, right? Mmmpphh**

Is it that you can’t marry her after being together 8 years, or that you won’t? **if you haven’t figured it out by now…**

Is that you can’t accept love, or that you won’t? **But yet you know what you’ll do with it when ya get it, right? SMH**

Is it that you can’t, or that you won’t? **You’ve been treated bad so long, you don’t know what’s good until its gone**

Why do we get stuck in the capability vs. the willingness? The capacity vs. the action? I see it as the ‘can’t’ is where you have something limiting you; you don’t have the ability to do something. The ‘won’t’ is your willingness or lack there of to act. Hmmm…

This month my Pastor has been drilling on the subject of desire, choice and will. He states that the desire is the want, the choice is the decision, and the will is the action. He says that we have control over the first 2: desire and choice, but it is God that must give you the will to carry out the action; the one that moves you. I thought this was quite interesting.

So maybe some prayers need to go up to ask God to move you to clean up your house, to close your legs, to stop you eating 2 large pizzas and a 64oz diet soda, to recognize who your Eve truly is, to receive and digest that you’re worthy of love, and that you’re blocking your blessings.

Don't know about you but I know what I will be doing...tomorrow. **Stuffing last cookie into my mouth...Pray for me ya'll**

Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.

No Good Deed...

 

As I went out back to throw some things away I almost stepped on a little (dead) baby bird! **Awww…** Then on my way back saw another one near by! **Aww...** Then, saw another one. **At this point, ewww…** So I go inside to get a plastic bag to pick them up and throw them away. Clearly some squirrel or cat got to the bird house attached to the side of my house.

I get some rubber gloves and something to scoop them up. I scooped up one and two, but when I got to the third he started moving! I was taken aback and knew I couldn’t just throw him away with his siblings!

So, I go inside to get a chair to place in the gravel, behind a big arse tree-bush, teetering over the window well to the basement to get to the bird house on the side of my house. I scoop up the bird, stand on the chair, balancing better than a Bolshoi Prima Ballerina! And, then, I begin to realize I’m getting shorter or the house is getting taller…oh no! I’m sinking. So I’m praying that I don’t drop this little bird who is weakly chirping, but I’m able to place him on the ledge of his home right before 2 legs of the chair go straight into the ground. Proud of my gallant efforts **and thanking God for sparing my life** I begin to walk away and see that the baby bird has wiggled to a point of it almost falling off the ledge.

So I run back to reposition the chair even further in the gravel, behind the big arse tree-bush, teetering over the window well to the basement to get to the bird house on the side of my house. I take my gloved hand and work speedily before the chair goes straight into the ground again and I’m able to shove the little bird into the tiny hole. **Knew not to touch -so no human scent is on him so won’t be rejected by parents. Thanks Vigo County Public Schools**

I stand back – proud of my efforts to save God’s creatures. And, all of this still in my church clothes! I go back into the house and peep through the curtains as the parental birds are flying back to the nest. I hear all sorts of commotion as I’m sure they are chirps of happiness that one of their offspring survived. My chest puffs up as I’m sure I have gained another jewel in my crown in heaven. But then, the commotion becomes greater, and more birds flock to the nest. I think to myself, this must be what Joseph felt like as the animals and the Wise Men came to see Jesus. But, then the commotion seemed to take a turn and the tweets became a little more forceful and it seemed the birds were now fighting.

Hmmm…then it hit me. Did I put the little bird in the right nest? **blank stare**

Doh! **said in best Homer Simpson voice**

Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.

Holding the door open may get you some...

Clearly I'm being facetious...kind of, but I’m just curious…does any other woman find it odd or is surprised when a man holds a door open for you? Or, allows you to go first in line? My first thought is, what the heck does he want? He’s probably gonna tail me and follow me home; or peep over my shoulder so he can see my debit card password *yeah, I know psycho*

And then it hits me, that I’ve become conditioned, reprogrammed, untrained as to what to expect or how a man should treat me. You know, those little things of courtesy. You’re actually taken aback when it happens! *pitiful*

I remember I went to visit a friend down in Atlanta and I was walking to the store to pay and this man waited, do you hear me, waited for me and held the door open! All he said was, Afternoon Miss. After being treated with such courtesy, I was welcomed back home to Maryland by a man allowing a door to slam in my face and thereafter watch me struggle with my luggage. Ahh…yeah…home.

So, is it really what region you’re in? Now that I’m in St. Louis I do get men holding doors open for me, calling me ma’am and such. But is chivalry dead? Are little boys being taught that they should hold the door open, pull out her chair, help her put her coat on, walk on the correct side of the sidewalk…and on the flipside are little girls learning that’s what they should expect.

I must say, I’ve gotten to a point where I expect it and will stand at a door until it is opened *occasionally awkward, especially when he starts the car and puts it in gear, but I’m standing on principle!*

Add that to my list of qualities I’m looking for in a man…I mean is that too much to ask?

Cue the music - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPUsQDm-HQY

*although from previous post, you already know how I feel about the term “lady” vs. “woman”…but it fits sooo…*

OR

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yi6dqhi8Ptw

Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.

Cuz, I'mma W-O-M-A-N...

Life Lesson #26 – Be a woman. The difference between a woman and a lady: a lady does what is expected of her, and a woman does what she expects of herself.

As a little girl, my mom always used to tell me, honey when you grow up you want to be a woman, not a lady – there’s a difference. **yes, I actually listened to my mom on occasion**

As the story goes: In college, her Dorm Mother used to tell her there’s a difference between a lady and woman – a lady does what others expect of her and a woman does what she expects of herself; therefore be a woman. **did you guys know this?**

This statement was so profound it became etched on my soul, and I’m still learning what it truly means. I strive to meet and exceed the expectations I place upon myself, not those that others place upon me. **it’s quite liberating, really…like being on the nudey beach**

I see it like this: if I am doing what makes me happy, accomplishing the goals I have set for myself, and aiming to be the woman God needs me to be – then what I have set out for myself will always far exceed what others have tried to set for me. **make sense?**

Put another way: I don’t try to live up to others expectations; I set my own and live up to those. **two snaps in a circle with a twist**

So, I say to you females out there –strive to be a woman and be an example to those little girls in your life of what a real woman is and does. I’ve had several friends find out as an adult, that they were raised to be a lady. **not a comforting epiphany at 35** They were still being controlled by the expectations of their parents, aunts/uncles, spouse…and in essence lost themselves or, worse, never really knew who they were. **Umm…have you seen Runaway Bride…Julia Roberts…Richard Gere…?!**

Fellas – make sure you know the difference: it seems you say you want a woman and end up with a lady. Chances are you didn’t have a woman to begin with **ya think?**

Cue the music:   http://youtu.be/1jiwZCskgNE    OR http://youtu.be/zAxY90776SI 

Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.

Just Like Jack...

Looking at my budget analysis Jack is my #2 expense, right below mortgage/rent. He goes to daycare, has to have special food due to dietary concerns and had a doctor’s appointment today. Now, you may be asking who is Jack? Well, that’s my 53lb fur-kid: my German Shepherd.

I’m your average dog owner who wants to ensure that my fur-kid has the best life he can possible have. He’s my road dawg – loves car trips, hiking, trails…adventure. He’s my home-dawg – will lounge around, watch TV, hang out in the yard…enjoy a snack or two, but overall chill. He likes his space, but wants my company and attention. He’s very social and enjoys playing around with his furry buddies. He can be a bit attitudinal and is smarter than the average the bear.

Five years ago (he was 4yrs old then) as a condition of adoption, I had to take Jack to dog obedience training. I didn’t realize that the training is really for the owner, not the dog. The dog trainer told me that the reason he didn’t initially listen to me was because the intonation in my voice didn’t change – I sounded the same when giving praise as I did when scolding.

Hmmm… then while at home I realized I had trouble hugging on him and cuddling and such – basically giving affection. My God, I couldn’t tell the dog ”I wuv you”. So that got me to thinking, is this how I am in relationships? I bought Jack every toy in the store, the best bedding, the best vet and groomer, day care, exercise…I had trouble giving the actual affection. I was tougher on him and had no patience on things he needed to learn, but let him slide on the things he did know and I was inconsistent. Hmmmm…

Well, five years later I feel that I am a better and more open person because of my furball. I can openly give affection, say I love you (or at least getting better at it), communicating my true feelings and intentions so there’s no confusion – and that’s not just toward him.

In the end, I’ve figured out I want a man just like Jack: quiet, intelligent, handsome, full of personality, athletic, loving, adventurous, can’t wait to see me or spend time with me, as well as dependent and independent all at the same time. I mean, is that too much to ask? Hmmm…guess that‘s why I gotta dog.

Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.

I Talk to Myself 'Cuz...

Life Lesson # 2 – If you can’t stand to be with you, how can you expect anyone else to?

Clearly I must love my own company as I’m just getting back from an 8 hour car ride to Oklahoma. There’s something to be said about you, your dog and the open road. I feel like its cleansing and liberating…also PLENTY of time to think about your life.

I had one friend say that there’s no way they could make that kind of drive, or any car trip, over an hour by themselves. Really? That makes me think – why not?

What is it about your own company that you can’t stand to be with you for more than an hour? That leads me to when I used to go out to eat or to the movies by myself – even as a teenager. My mom used to tell me, if you’re always waiting on someone else to do something you’ll end up doing nothing. So if I want to do – I’ll do by myself. I have friends that can’t go out to eat, or to the movies, or to the beach…any where by themselves that would force you to “be with you”. As my friend Erin said, where you go - you go. So when are you going to deal with yourself?

Which goes to my next point, if you don’t enjoy your own company why are you lookin’ for a relationship? How do you expect someone else to like you, love you, want to be around you…when you can’t stand to be with you? Deep huh? When was the last time you spent some time by yourself without any distractions? No TV, no phone, no music, no friends...nothing that would keep you from focusing on yourself and your thoughts?

Point: Time to spend some time with yourself. You may just like what you find…and if you don’t, do something about it.

Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.

My Life is a Country Song...

Life Lesson #60 - TBD

Yeah, think I'm still in the process of learning this one, so bear with me while I talk this one out. Couple of girlfriends and I were discussing men and relationships *duh, what else do women talk about?* Here's the gist of the conversation we had:

• You've been with this man for a while, he loves you and you love him. You've had some trying times in your relationship but have been able to work them out.
• Today, you have come to a crossroads: he feels he needs to be more financially stable and needs to focus on himself and get his shiggity together thus needing space.
• You say, well we love each other so we can work it out together.
• He says he still wants you in his life, just not in a couple kind of way. You're his best friend and wants to keep this friendship.
• You tell him you're not sure you can handle the just being friends part while he gets his shiggity together.
• He wants to know why it is all or nothing.
• You don't think it's all or nothing, as to you it appears he's just ended the relationship because he needs space. 

So now, the girl's and I are thinking we love these men with all of our very soul and being; could see futures with them. So:

• If they are asking us to hang on while they pull it together, do we?
• And if so, does that make us a fool?
• Is it foolish because you are hoping that he will change his mind?
• Or do you love them where they are, and have no other expectations because the hope is what's gonna kill ya?

For my friends and I it's a hard one because we're the type of women who are willing to be down in the dirt with ya and will do anything to figure out how we can fix things together...we're there to support in any way we can or know how, we want to do it together, it's how we're built... to cook your favorite dinner when you've had a rough day, send you some homemade cookies to let you know you were on our mind, or write you a poem to tell you how special you are to us.

In the end, how do you swallow: you're a great woman; everything I want and need, but just not right now. How do you move forward, keep a connection with this person and not let the hope choke you? The hope that he will change his mind and want to be with you.

Life Lesson # 60: Sometimes the only thing you can do is love someone where they are; even if it’s not where you wanted them to be.

My Gray's Anatomy and Physiology...

Getting older is something. You realize that 25 wasn’t as old as you thought it was when you were 16, and that 30 isn’t as old as you thought it was when you were 20. Well, sometimes these age milestones are met with physical and physiological changes that one was not anticipating. Hence the story of the errant gray hair courtesy of my Mom… *ahem*

Not too long after my 30^th birthday, I was drying off after my shower and noticed a gray hair… down there **pointing south** I immediately call my mother as I was in complete and utter shock – total dismay! I would soon regret that decision.

Me: Mom! You won’t buh-lieve where I just found a gray hair! I didn’t know 30 meant instant graying of certain areas.

Mom: Well, I’m goin’ to tell you a story.

Me: Aww hell…

Mom: You remember me telling you about my friends John* and Diamond* (*names changed to protect the innocent)? Well, John was kinda “that way” and he would hang around with Diamond and I all the time. So we thought nothin’ of runnin’ around in our slips and stuff in front of him but Granny used to say, John gon’ up and surprise ya’ll one day. Anyway, one day John tells Diamond and I – you know, if you don’t use ‘IT’, it’ll dry up.

Me: **blank stare at the phone**  **crickets**

Moral: Careful what you tell your mother and be prepared for the response. Also, if you find a gray hair *down there* don’t pull it out. Trust me…never ever do that, EVER!

Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.

The Digging Est Dog...or One Fish, Two Fish...(in honor of Dr. Suess)

Life Lesson # 59 – Don’t go diggin’ up relationships.

Has your soul ever gone fishin’? In other words, gone back through your relationships to one that wasn't quite finished? One you know you could pick back up and start up again? Or as my mom told me, dig up a relationship?

Learned that one the hard way: You see sometimes I got tired of waiting on God **the nerve, I know** to provide me with a relationship or “THE” relationship so I figured I’d lend a hand. **yeah, I know** So, I’d go through my heart’s rolodex and see who had left a door open. Hmmm…and I’d think well what about them? So, let’s call them up and reconnect.

**sounds familiar doesn’t it? Yeah, don’t send that text ‘til you finish reading this**

The result, you may ask? Let's just say, that door is now definitely closed and sealed with brick and mortar. In other words, there’s now closure. **shivers with the memories**

My mom told me, honey, you can’t go diggin’ up relationships.

At the time it didn’t make sense. Years later – it makes complete sense. Time to stop trying to control something in essence you really have no control over. The person you are to be with will come along when he or she is supposed to…your Adam will wake up (when he's ready for you) and will know who you are, or your Eve will be there when you wake up (when you're ready for her). I just hope we’re all paying attention when it happens. It may not be who you think it is or should be, but be open nonetheless.

Trust me, this is a hard one for me – when you’re lonely, or really cared for someone, your heart wanders, or goes fishin’ or starts diggin’. Has your soul gone fishin’? How many relationships have you dug up? Or, let’s be real, you’re diggin’ right now, ain’t cha?

Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.

What Did Florida Evans Say?

I'm still getting used to the music in this area with the sudden blues songs that pop up on the radio. One minute I'm listening to Jamie Foxx and the next I hear something like this song: "My Give A Damn Gave Out A Long Time Ago"; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wd3OYxoOOug 

**Tired of giving you another chance...**

I started listening to the lyrics and I was held captive. I've felt like the woman in the song before- you keep giving chances when there's no respect or consideration for your feelings. At some point, do you just block out the way you've allowed yourself to be treated - is it because you don't want to be lonely? How do you get to the point where you could care less?

**Forgave you over and over again...Tired of cryin'...**

Sometimes we just take anything because its better than nothing. But I would contend, that having nothing is better than having just anything that takes up space, eats your food, leaves the dishes lying around, leaves drawls in the middle of the floor and doesn't come home on time, if at all...


When did your "give a damn" give out? And are you even trying to get it back? Or did they take that too?

**My give a damn gave out a long time ago...**

**...You don't live here no mo'...go back where you been...**

Baggage Fees May Apply...

Life Lesson #34 - Baggage will follow you from job to job and relationship to relationship until you face and deal with what’s in the bags!


Could you catch a flight right now with all the baggage you have? What if you were charged for all that baggage, even if the first was free (and Southwest isn't an option)? You would be a whole new kind of broke.

We've been traveling around with our baggage for so long they've become apart of the backdrop of our daily lives. They just get carried around like a pair of old runned pantyhose in our purse (I'm not the only one that does that). What gets me is how some folks are proud to say they have baggage; a whole set of Louis Vuitton. Really? First, if all your baggage is a matching set - says to me you've been burned on the same lesson over and over again, and have yet to face your main issue. Secondly, I'd hope it’s not a full set with the hanging bag, cosmetics case, carry on, laptop bag and stewardess bag... it's not a badge of honor.

Let's be real - time to unpack our bags. I try to take inventory and see if there's anything in my carryon (limiting myself to a carryon and one personal item, like a purse). I try to accept my lessons and learn from them. Hence, going through the bags and unpacking. Why let that stuff, those unresolved issues, follow you into a new relationship or environment? You can never be better than where you are if you don't leave that stuff behind. Now, I'm not saying drop it and forget it - as that would defeat the purpose, and you would acquire the same bag somewhere else. You have to open the bag up, take stuff out piece by piece and understand what it is and work through it.

In one of my past relationships, he lumped me in with his old baggage. While I didn't treat him like his ex's he still would place that hurt on me, therefore limiting the growth in our relationship and thus ending it. I try my hardest not to do that in relationships, but I realize that it creeps up on me every now and then. I recognize it and do my best to squash it. I'll talk it out with my significant other so he'll understand why I reacted the way I did, what I'm doin' to work it out and how I need their assistance in that...and we keep it movin'.

SO, unpack and have a yard sale! Get rid of his old T-shirt that still smells like him (umm...doubt that after 5 years); that Teddy bear she bought you (who now has a hole in its chest to simulate what she did with your heart); the bed you bought for your first place together (My God you still have that?!); and all those cards you re-read that bring the hurt flooding back. Why do you keep this stuff and drag them around everywhere you go?

Let's work on reducing our baggage- limiting it to 1 personal item that can fit under the seat in front of you or in the overhead compartment.





Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.

How My Colon Almost Reached Martyrdom - A Tale of Friendship

As you will find, I have very few boundaries on what I share about my personal life. They're there, but when I think it's humorous or someone can learn from it - I share. **clearing throat** Here's a tale about friendship and how my colon was almost named as a martyr or some sort of demi-god.

My primary care recommended a new GI doctor for me because the other two were total arses **'scuse the pun**. So, I checked out this new guy, and can I say FINE. Did you hear me? F-I-N-E. This was the finest man, and Indian man, I have ever seen in my life. I felt it would be a little too awkward for me to hit on him seeing as how just the initial appointment alone would like take us to 3^rd base. I decided I had a friend who would be the next best option. I knew her mother would love me for life for finding her absolutely beautiful and warm-hearted daughter a successful Indian doctor.

My friend graciously accepted playing taxi driver and took me to my appointment for a colonoscopy.  She refuses to go inside with me because she had on sweats and pimple cream **mind you I hounded her to wear something more flashy**. I mean I know it was early in the a.m. but just dang! So, how do I scheme this one? As I'm getting processed, I'm still trying to figure this out - how am I going to get them together.

A nurse starts the anesthesia drip; wheels me into the room where the doctor and 2 other nurses were chatting it up. Before I could say 'boo', one nurse had rolled me on my side like a side of beef, flipped the back of my gown up and had my arse to the 4 winds. Mind you, eye level with the doctor! I mean for God's sake people; can I be completely comatose before you have my arse smiling at a stranger? And then telling me to relax and bend slightly into a fetal position? WTH? Ya’ll are straight trippin’! Due to my shock and dismay, no audible sounds would utter from my lips and I used my eyes and rapid blinking to plead to the other nurse to save what was left of my dignity! All of this in front of this fine doctor!!! I think I passed out just from sheer horror and hoped it was my good side showing.

I come to in the recovery room, still thinking about my friend, and I slur to the nurse..."Isth uh docta murried? My beth frend isth thuh most butiful Innian womn yuve evr seint." She looks at me from behind my rumpus and says, "Honey, you're not the first to ask. He's happily married with 5 kids." I slurred, "Aww..hail..." as I slipped back off to lala land. There goes my chance of being a martyr, adopted by my friend's mom and getting written into the will. Unfortunately, when my friend came back to pick me up **looking cute** I had to break the news. **sigh** To cheer ourselves up, we made a beeline to the nearest restaurant since I hadn't eaten in 24 hours.

Friendship is on my mind today. I'm so blessed to have the type of friends that I have. Even though we may not talk everyday, when we do, we pick up right where we left off. If you didn't know I loved ya, now ya know! Muahh!





Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.

Don't Call the Movers Just Yet...

Life Lesson #48 - You may think you need a change of scenery when all you really need is a change of heart.


Well, this is a topic near and dear to me as I'm in the process of understanding the full depth of this "epiphany". As some of you know I've recently moved to not only a new state, but a whole new region of the country.

I was desperate to move away from a major metropolitan area that I felt had become unhealthy and unfulfilling. Desperate - let me repeat - DESPERATE for my life to change. DESPERATE to be living the life I thought I was supposed to have had by age 34. And just like stink on shit, desperation doesn't wear well on a woman - especially not this one.

I hated my job, or more, what it had become. The work environment affected to me so much that I was seriously ill. I broke out in a cross between hives, chicken pox, and some type of rash...felt I looked like a leper and was on quarantine for over a week. My old Navy doctor/dermatologist told me I was his "1 in a million patient". Now that's sayin' somethin' from an old Navy doctor, and let's be real - that's not a prize, nor title, I wanted to hold. I mean, who really wants the shirt "I was a Leper, and all i got was this T-shirt...and a rash." I'll save the part about me cussing out the PA at my first doctor's appointment... **call me for the details**

My immune system was shredded from years of being in high stress jobs and the high stress life that goes along with living in a major city. So much so, my primary doctor thought I had cancer! WTF? And a young black female ER doctor told me, "Honey, think it's time to change some things in your life." Naw, shiggity, but how do I do that? SO, I thought moving somewhere would be the end to all of my troubles. I can move somewhere, start over- hopefully with someone and start that family with the white picket fence. 

**blank stare...blink...blink** Uh no! With an emphasis on 'Uh' and 'No'. What I've come to realize you can change your surroundings but if you don't change what's on the inside, its going to be the same shiggity wherever you go. Same shiggity, different state. 

So here I am - reminded of a reading in Joyce Meyer's book, Ending Your Day Right, where she talks about how your thoughts bear fruit. Think positively and your life will bear good fruit, think negatively and get bad fruit. What ultimately resonates with me is her last sentence, "for as you think in your heart, so are you". Inside, I was desperate, unhappy, angry, sad, disappointed...and those same feelings followed me because I put more effort into changing my zip code than I did changing my outlook - my heart.

Now, I'm putting more effort into changing my heart - living my current life and not the one I thought I should have had. Stay tuned...its gonna get good.




Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.

Some Fresh Oats, Some Good Hay, and a Clean Stall

Now, I thought I was going to do this weekly, but I'll just scribe what comes to me. This isn't one of my "official" life lessons on my running list, but it is never the less a lesson as told to me by my Mom. **SN: There will be many of these lessons via Mom - trust**

Let me paint the scenario: I had just started talking to a new guy and I was flying to see him. Can you say ECSTATIC! While sitting in the airport, basking in the glow of seeing my long time crush I get a call from my mom. Here's how that conversation went:

Mom: Hey hon, are you already to go?

Me: Yes, I'm just sitting in the airport waiting to board. **trying to play down my giddiness**

Mom: Well, I'm goin' to tell you a story that your Grandfather told to me. You see your Grandfather didn't do too well with people so his stories always dealt with animals and farm life.

Me: Awww...hell.

Mom: There was this old horse that had been out to pasture for a quite awhile. He hadn't been back to the barn for quite some time. One day, the farmer comes down to get the old horse to bring him back up to the barn. Soon as that farmer came down, that old horse broke headlong through the gate heading back to the barn. That old horse knew that there would be fresh oats, good hay, and a clean dry stall waiting. All the things that old horse been dreamin' about - but what you think it's gonna be isn't always truth.  So be careful, as those fresh oats may not be so fresh, that good hay may not be so good and that stall may not be so clean. Just be aware that what you've been dreaming about may not be the case.

Me: Did you just call me an old dried up horse?

Moral: That relationship didn't end up to be all I dreamed it would be and I was that horse. I hadn't been in a relationship in quite some time and was dying to have some fresh oats, some good hay, and a clean stall to lay my head. Turned out - wasn't my barn to be in....




Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.

Put the Shovel Back in the Shed

Well, I figure I'll start at the top of my list and work my way down. There will be plenty to talk about each week - trust.

Life Lesson #1 - Stop filling holes

Now this may seem a little contradictory - if something is empty then fill it - right? Mmm...not necessarily as it may not be meant to be filled. **crickets chirping** I can see the look on your face. Let me see if I can paint a picture and make it more clear.

Over time, we get some wear and tear. Just like those roads we drive down every day to get to work and to our daily activities. Inclement weather, temperature changes, chemicals, and the friction of traffic- everything plays a part in the condition of that road. Don't know about you, but there have been times where I've been driving to work, and out of no where a pot hole appears. Where did that come from? You swerve, you get to work and call the city's pothole hotline. They come out and fill it. Its fine for a while but sometimes that hole just gets bigger, or another one forms near by on the opposite side of the road. At some point, do you just keep filling the holes? Or do you just repave the entire length of the street? Or do you look at the root cause of the potholes and see if that can be fixed? Hmmm....

In relationships, we get marred and pocked just like a street with heavy traffic. Unfortunately, some of us have taken on more traffic than others - yeah you know what I'm talkin' about. **face smirked, side eye** We get hurt and that punches a hole in our very soul - in our very being. So, we look for a way to fill it. Now, whether that's with someone or someone(s), food, retail therapy...you see where I'm going. You fill the hole to stop the hurt. I get it...but you got to stop fillin' the holes and look at the bigger picture. If you keep fillin' it with those things then it may just get bigger or another one pop up somewhere else because you're not really satisfying your need. What's the root cause of the hole? You have to be willing to take a hard look at yourself and be willing to work on the whole you, not just the hole.

Been there, doing it now. I'm coming to realize that I cycle through my life's lessons every so often so its important for me to look back. I realize I need to put my shovel back in the shed, take a deep breath, step back and see why I pulled it out to begin with...



Now, all of the things I write are my life's lessons. I share so that maybe others can learn from what I've been through or seen. I don't have all the answers (well, maybe most...) but its something to ponder. I'm not a therapist and this is not intended to provide counseling or advice. Just someone who feels they've learned a thing or two.